Degradation and criticism
Steady chipping away at how you see yourself.
What it looks like
Jokes at your expense, criticism dressed as honesty, comparisons to other people, and the message that nobody else would put up with you.
Things people actually hear
- "I'm just being honest, someone has to tell you."
- "You're lucky I put up with you."
- "Can't you take a joke?"
Why it works
Degradation lowers the floor. If you believe you are difficult, unattractive or lucky to be tolerated, you'll accept treatment you'd never accept otherwise.
Look for who the audience is. Public jokes at your expense do double work: they hurt, and they recruit other people into the version of you being sold.
It's often paired with deniability — it was a joke, I was being honest, you're too sensitive. The deniability is part of the tactic.
A useful question: would I say this to someone I love, in this tone, in front of their friends?
One way to respond
"That wasn't funny to me. I'm asking you not to talk about me like that, joking or not."
Only use a script like this if it's safe to. If pushing back has consequences for you, safety comes first — see Get help.
Educational content only. Not a diagnosis, and not legal, medical or therapeutic advice.