Questions people ask

MendRii (sometimes typed Mendrii, Mendry, MendRie or Mendrey) is a private, educational web app about coercive control. It offers a guided Relationship Pattern Check-In, short lessons, a DARVO explainer, a private journal and helplines by country.

“Mend-ree.” The name comes from mending — recognizing, restoring and reclaiming after controlling relationships.

No. MendRii is an educational self-reflection tool. It does not diagnose a person or relationship, assess risk or safety, or tell you what to do.

Safety help, helplines, lessons, documentation guidance and the introductory check are free. The full Check-In, Daily Check and library are available with a 7-Day Pass ($4.99, one-time), Monthly ($9.99) or Annual ($59) access.

No. Check-In answers stay in your browser and are not sent to MendRii. Journal entries are stored only on your device.

No. MendRii is educational. It is not therapy, counseling, medical care or legal advice. A licensed professional or specialist advocate can support your specific situation.

Coercive control is a repeated pattern of behavior — such as isolation, monitoring, financial control, threats, degradation, rules and denial of your reality — that limits another person's freedom. It is defined by the pattern, not a single incident.

Yes. Coercive control can occur with no physical violence at all. Many people describe it as walking on eggshells or their world slowly getting smaller.

Covert abuse describes control that is subtle and easy to deny — quiet rules, silent treatment, ‘jokes’, guilt, or monitoring framed as concern. It is often harder to name than open hostility.

Arguments happen in many relationships and usually run both ways. Coercive control has a direction: one person's rules, access and freedom keep shrinking, and raising a concern tends to be turned around on them.

Commonly described patterns include isolation from friends or family, monitoring phones or location, controlling money, constant criticism, unpredictable rules, threats, guilt, and gaslighting.

Many governments and domestic violence organizations recognize coercive control as a form of domestic abuse and intimate partner violence (IPV), even when there is no physical harm.

Published research on domestic homicide reviews has found coercive control was often present beforehand, which is one reason many places now treat it seriously. MendRii cannot predict or assess anyone's risk. If you are in immediate danger, contact local emergency services; helplines are listed on MendRii's help page.

The terms overlap in everyday use. ‘Narcissist’ describes a personality, while coercive control describes a pattern of behavior. MendRii focuses on behavior patterns, not labeling anyone's personality.

No. MendRii cannot diagnose anyone. Only a qualified clinician can assess a personality disorder. MendRii helps you put words to patterns you have experienced.

Gaslighting is a pattern of making someone doubt their own memory, perception or judgment — for example, repeatedly insisting things you remember never happened.

DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It was described by psychologist Dr. Jennifer J. Freyd to explain how some people respond when held accountable.

In some places, yes. England and Wales, Scotland, Ireland, parts of Australia and several U.S. states have laws that address coercive control. Laws vary, so check with a local lawyer or advocate.

Some courts consider coercive control in family and custody decisions, depending on the jurisdiction. MendRii does not give legal advice; a family lawyer or advocate can explain how it applies where you live.

No. A Check-In result is educational and is not evidence. MendRii offers general guidance on keeping a factual, dated record; ask a lawyer what records are useful in your area.

Write short, factual, dated notes about what was said or done, keep original messages where possible, and store records where the other person cannot reach them.

In the U.S., the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 (or text START to 88788). MendRii's help page lists confidential helplines for the UK, Canada, Australia, Ireland and New Zealand.

Asking the question matters. MendRii has a page for people who are being accused or are questioning their own behavior, with educational information and places to find support.

Use the Quick Exit button at the top of every page, or press Shift + Esc, to leave immediately.