MendRii
MendRii

Recognize. Restore. Reclaim.

When something feels off, look at the pattern.

You are not overreacting. You are recognizing.

MendRii helps you step back and look at what has been building — how much freedom, privacy, independence and connection with other people you have now compared to before, and what tends to happen when you say no. It gives you language for it, so you can decide what you think.

It does not diagnose anyone, it produces no score or verdict, it isn't legal or medical advice, and it doesn't decide whether anyone is abusive or whether a relationship is safe. That part is yours.

Start the Relationship Pattern Check-InOr look at one conversation

Free, no account needed to start. Nothing you paste is shown to anyone else.

Educational content, written from published research and recognized domestic-violence resources. How this content is developed. MendRii is general-public educational software — not a clinical service, assessment or professional advice.

Best place to start

Relationship Pattern Check-In

A guided reflection to help you notice patterns in a current or former relationship and how they may be affecting your choices, privacy, independence and connection with others. Thirteen questions, at your own pace.

It looks at what happens, the context around it, whether it repeats, what follows when you say no, and whether things have changed over time — the parts a single message cannot show. No score, no verdict, no diagnosis.

Check the pattern

Optional tool

Look at a conversation

See what may be worth noticing in a message or exchange. Paste it in and MendRii points out the wording that may resemble a known pattern.

A message can only show part of the picture. It cannot establish whether abuse occurred or whether a relationship is safe, and it cannot see the context, the history or what happens next.

Paste a conversation

What's free, and what isn't

Free, always

  • The whole Relationship Pattern Check-In, with everything it reflects back
  • 2 conversation readings per day
  • Plain-English summary of what was noticed, and the pattern names
  • Full access to Get help, safety information and documentation guidance
  • Every lesson, including DARVO — the whole library is free

Help, helplines and safety information are never behind a payment.

MendRii Plus, if you want to keep going

Plus is about continuing, not about a stronger answer. It removes the daily limit on conversation readings, shows the full reading of each observation, and lets you save conversations to add to and reread later.

See what Plus includes, and what it doesn't

Look at a conversation

Optional, and narrower on purpose: this shows what may be worth noticing in the words themselves. For the broader pattern — start with the Check-In.

Copy it in as it was written. Names are fine to remove — it works just as well without them.

Nothing is saved unless you're signed in and choose to save it.0/6000

Before you send: the text you paste leaves this page and is sent to an AI language service, which processes it to produce the reading. AI can be wrong or miss things. What comes back is educational observation only — not an assessment, not a diagnosis, not a risk or lethality evaluation, not evidence, and not legal, medical or therapeutic advice. Please leave out details you would rather not send, such as full names or addresses.

Your safety first. Nothing you paste is stored unless you are signed in and choose to save it. If your device might be monitored, use Quick exit and come back on a device the other person cannot reach.

What a result looks like

An example, so you know what you're getting before you paste anything of your own.

“Why did it take you an hour to reply? Everyone else manages it. After everything I've given up for you, an hour.”

What this looks like

One or two things worth noticing

Two patterns appear here: an expectation of instant replies with an unstated standard, and a sacrifice being quoted back as a debt. On their own these could be a bad day. What matters is whether they repeat.

Monitoring and surveillanceGuilt and obligation

One way to respond

“I'm not going to account for every hour. I'll reply when I can, and I want that to be okay.”

Curious how it decides? How it works, and where it's wrong.

What MendRii looks for

Eleven patterns drawn from how coercive control is commonly described. Each one has a short lesson.

IsolationSlowly cutting you off from other people.Monitoring and surveillanceChecking, tracking, and needing to know where you are.Financial controlControlling money to control choices.Guilt and obligationMaking your ordinary choices feel like a betrayal.Reality-testing and denialRewriting what happened until you doubt your own memory.Moving goalpostsThe rules change so you can never quite get it right.Threats and intimidationFear used as a way to get compliance.Intensity cyclesExtremes of warmth and withdrawal that keep you off balance.Degradation and criticismSteady chipping away at how you see yourself.Rules and permission-seekingAdult life becomes something you need approval for.DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender)You raise a concern — and somehow end up apologizing.Sexual coercionGoing along with it because saying no costs too much.Reproductive coercionInterference with contraception, pregnancy, or your decisions about either.Repeated unwanted pursuitContact and attention that keeps coming after you asked it to stop.Using what you care about as leverageChildren, pets, family, status or reputation turned into pressure points.

If you're worried right now

An app can help you name something. It can't assess your risk or help you plan. People whose whole job that is will talk to you confidentially, and you don't have to have decided anything.

Find help near you

Start somewhere else

Is this coercive control?

The definition, the three-question test, and what each pattern sounds like.

Control, or just a bad argument?

A side-by-side comparison of conflict and control.

Keeping a safe record

What to write down, where to keep it, and a printable incident log.

Is coercive control illegal?

Where it is recognized in law, and how to check your own state or country.

What if I'm the one being accused?

An honest page, with three questions worth sitting with.

For clinicians and advocates

Pattern material and training for people who do this work.

One short lesson a week

One coercive control pattern explained in two minutes, every week — plus new MendRii releases. No spam, no more than one email a week, unsubscribe from any of them.

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