DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender)
You raise a concern — and somehow end up apologizing.
The key point
DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — is a response pattern in which a person confronted about harm denies it, attacks the person raising it, and ends up positioned as the real victim.
DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — was coined and developed by Dr. Jennifer J. Freyd, Professor Emerit of Psychology at the University of Oregon, in academic work published from 1997 onward. The explanation on this page is written in our own words; full credit for the term and the concept belongs to Dr. Freyd.
What to notice
You bring something up. First it didn't happen. Then you're attacked for bringing it up at all. By the end, they are the wronged one and you are the one who caused harm. Three moves, often inside a single conversation: deny, attack, then reverse the roles of victim and offender.
Why it matters
The three moves usually arrive in order. Denial comes first and is often flat and absolute. Then the attack, aimed at you rather than at the claim: you're unstable, you're always accusing, you're the cruel one. Then the reversal, where their distress at being confronted becomes the real injury in the room.
You might hear
- "That never happened. You're making things up again."
- "You're the one with the problem — you attack me constantly."
Example wording
"I'm not going to argue about who is hurting more. I'm staying with the thing I raised: what you said on Tuesday upset me, and I'd like you to hear that."
This is an educational example, not a recommendation for any situation. Universal help and emergency resources are available to everyone.
More context
DARVO is the name Dr. Jennifer J. Freyd gave to a response pattern she observed in some people confronted about harmful behavior: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. She introduced and developed the concept in her academic work from 1997 onward, and the term is hers.
The reversal is the part that disorients people most. You came in with one clear concern and leave comforting someone else, or apologizing, without ever getting an answer. Weeks later you may not be able to explain what happened — only that raising things never seems to work.
Dr. Freyd's research also describes the effect on onlookers: when someone responds this way, other people who hear the exchange can end up doubting the person who raised the concern. That is worth knowing, because it explains why being disbelieved by friends or family is not evidence that you were wrong.
What helps in the moment is narrowness. One concern, one sentence, repeated. You do not have to accept the frame that whoever is most upset is the one who was wronged, and you do not have to resolve who is the real victim in order to keep your own account of what happened.
One important caution: people also deny things because they genuinely did not do them, and get upset because being wrongly accused genuinely hurts. DARVO describes a repeated pattern where every concern ends in reversal — not any single defensive reply.
"Do you know how much it hurts to be accused like this? I'm the one who's suffering here."
When it may be something else
People also deny things because they did not do them, and being wrongly accused genuinely hurts. DARVO describes a repeated pattern where every concern ends in reversal, not one defensive reply.
Ideas people sometimes consider
- 1.One educational technique is to keep the original concern separate from later accusations or reversals.
- 2.The DARVO concept focuses on the response sequence rather than deciding who is the bigger victim.
- 3.A private note can preserve the original concern without proving what the exchange means.
DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — was coined and developed by Dr. Jennifer J. Freyd, Professor Emerit of Psychology at the University of Oregon, in academic work published from 1997 onward. The explanation on this page is written in our own words; full credit for the term and the concept belongs to Dr. Freyd.
Written from published research and recognized domestic-violence resources. MendRii is educational software, not a clinical assessment or professional advice. See how this content is developed.
Educational content only. Not a diagnosis, and not legal, medical or therapeutic advice.